How to Say You Don’t Believe
By Nica Lalli
writer, educator
With the recent publication of the new American Religious Identification Survey, we now know that there is a full 20% of the U.S. population that claims their religious identity as either a “none” (one who identifies as non-religious) or a “don’t know” (one who chooses to not answer the religion question or has not thought about it).
The last people to find out about a person’s religious identity (or lack thereof) always seem to be the family. So shouldn’t you take advantage of this week’s big family gathering to let them know your status? Isn’t this Sunday’s family dinner the perfect time to come out of the closet?
For those who are unsure how to proceed, I offer some tips for the strategies you can use for a smooth transition into the category of “no religion”, aka “none”, aka “nothing”.*
*Results not guaranteed.
Strength In Numbers
If you are not heartened by the 61 million Americans who join you in non belief, find others in your family who you suspect might share in your rejection of religion. Ally yourself with them. The more the merrier. So call that cousin who always sits alone in the corner, maybe they don’t go to church either. Or maybe they are just weird, or a pedophile or a homicidal maniac - but it is worth a shot. Using we instead of I makes coming out of the closet a little easier. But watch out - after the initial we, as in “we don’t believe in this and such” you probably won’t agree on anything else. “Getting atheists to agree on something is like herding cats” a wise man once told me. Meow.
Avoid the A Word
The term “atheist” tends to set people on edge. It might be what you are once you give up (or admit you never had) a belief in a god or gods, but it might cause unneeded drama and unrest. There are hundreds of other words to use, so maybe you can start with those and work your way into your new identity as an atheist. You can use some of the more known words like Rationalist, Humanist, Skeptic, Free Thinker, or the slightly easier to digest Agonistic. Or you can try to confuse the folks by using a string of “isms” and “ists.” Try describing yourself as an anti-supernaturalist, or a neo-philosophizing inter-humanist pro-Darwinist.
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Comment by Extropian58 on 16 July 2010:
I can certainly appreciate avoiding boorish behavior. On the other hand, I have pretty much had my fill of the “You’re wrong and if you disagree with me, you’ll be deliberately offending me which just goes to show that I am right!” arguments that the majority of theists use. It’s sort of akin to bigotry I suppose. Now, would you wish to avoid offending your relatives who assume you hold to all the racial prejudices that they do? How about if you bring a friend with you from another ethnic group and racial slurs are openly tossed in their direction? Now who is causing unneeded drama and unrest? If speaking your mind honestly about what you do or don’t believe offends your family or, worse yet, causes harmful actions to be taken against you, there are far greater problems in your family unit than your unbelief. When pressed on the issue I respond I don’t believe in magic beings that stand in invisible corners and watch our every move. Putting it like that also avoids the confusing “isms” and “ists” that only further confuses things as the article’s author correctly points out. We want to be perfectly clear about our position, don’t we? You may not convince Uncle Fester that there is no god or that Barack Obama really is a US citizen but who cares? But there are others listening that are sitting on the fence or who may have come to the same conclusions as you have but they, like the article’s author, may be a little weak in the knees or spine, as the case may be. Or, better yet, there may be young family members who are listening to your response intently because they just don’t buy that magic being in the corner nonsense; they are still stinging from the whole Santa Claus debacle. Now there are some people we should care about. And when Uncle Fester just won’t let it go we should at all costs “avoid the A word” is the advice we get? Try to be ashamed in the most dignified manner possible in the face of ignorance and superstition is the author’s advice. I think we have had enough of that.